We’ve heard the stories before; “Old Lady Found Dead Suffocated by Cats.” Law enforcement agents are probably getting used to clearing out trailers full of cats by now. But what an interesting phenomenon. It’s never turtles or gerbils, and it’s never just five or ten. It’s always hundreds of cats!

It took three hours for about 15 masked workers and police officers to remove 118 cats from a couple’s reeking home in the Lowry Grove Mobile Home Park in St. Anthony on Tuesday.

Another dozen or so cats couldn’t be captured because they were hiding in mounds of dolls and debris in the trailer and will have to be live-trapped, said Keith Streff, senior investigator of the Animal Humane Society in Golden Valley. One cat escaped and three were left with the couple, the limit permitted by city ordinance.

This was from our local paper, and what’s unwritten here is that this couple had 72 cats removed from their home in 2003. 

Let me point out something you may have missed; these 15 police officers could not retrieve a dozen cats because they were hiding in MOUNDS OF DOLLS! Read that again. Think about that. How many dolls would it take to prevent a team of 15 police officers from capturing twelve cats? I heard that these dolls were everywhere. The police found them frozen in the freezer!

They’re looking into mental illness, but it’s got to be something more. You would think that one of them would say, “Honey, I can’t fill the ice cube tray unless I take out a few of these dolls.” Something else is going on here, and as you think about reasons it becomes less funny and more pathetic, and really, just sad.

I just heard the news this afternoon. The recession is over and the key to it’s demise was in our minds all along. It turns out that hiding in our homes and shielding our money was really what was precipitating this recession. Our fear sent the markets crashing and made banks weary of lending money. The media were scaring us under our beds and businesses were cutting jobs in case we listened to them. Well good thing we stopped being afraid or this thing could have dragged on and on. So if you hear people on the street saying “Oh, I can’t in this economy.” or “I wonder when the recession is over?” Tell them the news, “It IS over!” And it will be.

Do NHL players need these?

I read this week that the NHL was thinking about calling penalties on players who slide in front of a shooting puck. The league is looking for ways to increase scoring and thus, they believe, popularity. They tried this a few years ago by changing some rules and the sizes of goalie pads. They believe that the reason people don’t watch the NHL is because there just isn’t enough scoring. Maybe, they should look at the world’s most popular sport. Soccer games often end in 0 – 0 ties and the fans still are howling and cheering when it all ends. Scoring is not the problem, but here are some…

It’s not how many times a hockey team scores that makes it exciting, it’s how they do it. We want to see skating, speed and passing. These guys are on skates but it really doesn’t matter because of how much they stand around. The philosophy of hockey teams is to set up in a semi circle and pass it around until someone gets an open shot. They shoot, miss and then the other team sets up in their semi-circle. Who wants to watch that? Not many, so we turn to college and high school hockey games where the rinks are bigger or the players are smaller so they rely on skating and passing. The biggest ratings during the Winter Olympics are for the hockey games. It’s partially because it’s country against country, but more so because they use a bigger rink which results in more fast-breaks and speed.

Another problem is that the NHL has forced hockey down the throats of people who don’t care. They seem to say, “If we start a hockey team in Phoenix, they’ll come out and watch.” Sure, people are going to come out to the games, but how many homes in Phoenix, Tampa Bay, Anaheim and San Jose are tuning in? Not many. Those places have no history with hockey and never will. The youth will never rally to hockey because indoor ice is too expensive to rent and all their buddies are playing football or basketball. It also doesn’t help when you start an expansion team called the Mighty Ducks, Sharks, Thrashers or The Wild. Whoever is naming these teams is stuck in the neon days of the 90’s. The logos are gaudy and the uniforms hurt the eyes. It may seem like a small issue, but how many people want to hear these words come out of their mouth? “Want to go watch the Mighty Ducks play tonight?”

Also, try shaking things up by not having any commercials during the game. TV timeouts should not be a part of hockey. Soccer doesn’t have them and thrives. Advertise, within the game and between periods for jacked up rates. It’s something to think about.

Finally, the NHL is trying to keep pace with football, basketball and baseball. They want to be in their club and eat from the same table. It’s not going to happen so stop trying to play their game. Embrace the fact that you’re a niche sport. Get a cult following going and start to grow. Stop trying to play the same game as the NFL or MLB. Draw viewers through these novel approaches so I can watch more than just high school hockey games.

The poor city of Woodbury. Not really in the city, not really a suburb. It’s just a place you drive through to get to something important. On your drive you’ll always see signs or watertowers that display maybe the worst logo ever. I’m not going to get into it that much, but not only is that d & b too close together, but someone decided to have something emiting from the top…poor Woodbury

My elbows are the dirtiest part of my body. I use them to touch the nastiest things around. If I spill something or need to wipe off my seat, I’ll always use my handy elbow to scrub it up. When I’m in a public restroom I look like a doctor or a T-Rex walking around with my elbows stuck out trying to get paper towels out of the dispenser. I know I’m not the only one out there. Look around and you’ll see us, we’re the ones with long sleeves on a hot summer day…

            Lately the need for long sleeves has diminished because of what I believe is one of the greatest designs; The Automated Bathroom. Thankfully more bathrooms are turning automatic and I’m lucky to work at EcoLab which designs the stuff. It is such a great feeling when you walk into a bathroom after pulling the door handle with your pinky and you see infrared sensors everywhere. You understand that you can escape this bathroom with out touching a thing. You no longer have to flush the toilet thanks to the flusher sensor and in someplaces the toilet paper will dispense automatically. One square or two?

When finished, the sink will now turn on when your hands are placed in the basin. (by the way this doesn’t work very well…can we get a better sensor for this?) Whoops, forgot the soap, good thing that is often on a sensor too. Now to dry them off you’ll often either have an automatic air dryer or an automatic paper towel dispenser. This last one is really the best, because nothing is worse than washing your hands and then having to touch a small lever you know a million other people have pulled.

            As I dry my hands, I hear a faint “phht!” Did that guy in the stall just fart? No, that’s the automatic air freshener sending a spray of lilac sent through the bathroom. Ahhh, I sigh and head for the door thinking about if there is a limit on potty-breaks at my work. But as I get to the door it doesn’t open automatically for me and I realize I’m trapped. Oh No! How, do I get out? Looks like I’ll still be needing my elbows after all…

There is a lot of talk about change this election and how these two guys are going to be reformers or mavericks. I believe in them and I am hopeful, but when the new president walks into the oval office there are going to be some IOU’s on his desk that total more than $1,500,000,000,000. Becoming president is not like baking a cake. You don’t have nice clean kitchen and a fridge full of wonderfull ingredients. What you have is what the last guy left in the fridge for you. In our case W left it empty and the neighbors are knocking on the door for their cups of sugar back.

Years ago I worked at the House of Representatives on the Bonding Committee. This is basically the Credit Card Committee where hundreds of fun projects are proposed and about 20 Representatives are assigned to decide what gets built and for how much. These projects aren’t replacing light bulbs in the Gorilla Exhibit, it’s expanding the Gorilla Exhibit for $10,000,000. (This is true and a heck of a climbing tree for these gorillas) There are a ton of pet projects like this and every other year we swipe our state credit card for about $1 billion and for about a half billion on “off years.” Though the amount spent does follow party lines, most politicians can’t help but spend. Even Republicans whose mantra is to lower taxes and cut spending feel that money burning in their pocket. Note that after cutting taxes and eliminating programs, the last three Republican presidents have taken that extra money and dumped it into military and defense. In fact each spent far more moola than Clinton. So the philosophy of “more money in the people’s pocket” has really yet to be seen.

The last few months, and the last two days, have shown what a mess we can get into with credit. On the surface it’s free money. If you want that BMW, buy it, after all you deserve it. If you want to build a bridge to an island no one wants to go to, swipe your card, the next president will pay for it. Now the party is over and we gotta pay for the booze.

So if we’re eventually going to have to pay for this debt, what happens if I just moved to Canada? Would the IRS follow me and tell me I have a bill to pay?

“Excuse me sir, you have an outstanding balance of $356,489 on your USA credit card.”

“What? I don’t remember spending that kind of money.” I would say.

“Well let’s see. It looks like you still owe money for Bear Stearns, Fannie Mae & Mac, a couple of hurricanes, two Middle Eastern wars and a trillion dollar bank buyout.”

“Oh right, right.”

Realistically though, we won’t pay for it by sending a check in the mail. We’ll pay for it by sacrifices to our roads, bridges, schools. That’s it, I’m moving to Canada.

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/02/24/75-threatening-to-move-to-canada/

Update: The numbers have changed since this post,  with the Gov asking for what seems to be a trillion dollar bailout. That will be close to around $8,000 a person. This was proposed by the Bush Administration in a document that was only 3 pages long… It takes more pages to file for a car loan.

Call your congressman, this is as bad as the Iraq war.

A lot has been made of the price of gas, food and health insurance recently. But I saw this graph on CNN and I thought it deserved more attention. It was shocking to see this and read elsewhere that college increases are four times the rate of inflation. The weird part is that the price of college doesn’t follow normal economics. The higher the price, the more parents will want to send their child there. “Well it must be good,” they’ll say. Public universities also baffle me with their increases. How on earth can the price of a university jump 439%? What could possibly drive the costs up that much? It’s not breaking news that the cost of higher education is out of control, and actually that’s not really what I wanted to talk about anyway. I’m not questioning college or even it’s soaring price. I’m wondering if it’s time to question whether it’s worth it.

I received a Liberal Arts degree, which makes me a better conversationalist and Trivial Pursuit player, but certainly has no impact on how much someone is willing to pay me. I often say, no CEO is sitting in his office pounding on the table yelling, “Dammit! I need a history major in here right now!” Going to college for a Liberal Arts degree may have been worth it once, but today, most of what I learned any simpleton can Google or learn about on Wikipedia. I’d take that $50,000 and buy a small business, invest in Apple or buy 100 acres to grow soybeans. I’d probably see more of a return.

The thing now is that it’s not $50,000 anymore. It’s nearing double that and I’m wondering if these young folks, or their parents, think that they’ll be able to pay that off. Think of these students who rack up $100,000 or more in debt and have $800 payments on their loan, $1800 payments on their house and perhaps a car payment. I hope they got themselves a good job with that degree, because they haven’t even begun to pay for those other three increasing lines on that graph. Oh, and by the time they pay that loan off, their kids will be graduating high school and looking at tuition costs of $200,000.

Now I’m biased. A person with a tech degree in engineering or IT is going to be making a good return and will have an easier time finding a job. And still for the most part college students will earn more than their high school counterparts but as these costs go up, I think we’ll reach a point where not going to college puts you ahead of those that do.

Most of you are saying, “Why did you buy navy blue socks in the first place?” I didn’t, I don’t even know where they came from. They invade my sock drawer like a plague. I also have like 30 different styles of dress socks that don’t have matches.  I don’t know where they came from either, but I match them with the closest pair. It’s like 30 interracial marriages in my drawer.

 I guess that’s how I should look at it. Next time someone asks why I’m wearing two different colored socks, I’ll tell him I’m promoting civil rights.

Now, I have no beef with this shoe whatsoever. I’ve put a pair on and they were very comfortable. The poor design is not with the shoe, but with the share holders of this company.  I always say that the stock market is gambling for the educated. A few stocks however, cannot claim intelligent investors and CROX is one of them.

I don’t hate these people, in fact they are my favorite. Over the past year I’ve logged into Google Finance to watch the daily nosedive of this company. I’m no sadist, but I laugh out loud reading the message boards of the investors who claim almost daily, “It’s not a fad!” or “It’s big in Europe!” I’m not the only one either. Check out the boards yourself: 

http://finance.google.com/group/google.finance.704495/browse_thread/thread/6f797b0488475e9d

http://finance.google.com/group/google.finance.704495/browse_thread/thread/24d0cf7188b02727

These sad sad people have invested into this company at the peak of the shoe’s success only to see the price drop drastically daily. In any regard, after today’s close a $4.33 a share, its a good lesson to the rest of us, DON’T INVEST IN A RUBBER SHOE COMPANY. Even if the Europeans like it…hell, they like warm beer and David Hasselhoff.