Guest Post: “Ironic” T-shirts

Here’s a post from my ever-bitter friend J. Viese. Thanks!

“Ironic” T- Shirts. Oh my Lord!  When is this going to end?

Do you remember when it seemed like reality TV was finally on the respirator and execs. had their communal hand on the plug; then Laguna Beach and it’s unholy offspring hit the air and brought it all back worse then ever?

That seems to be where we are with these definition-busting “Ironic” tees.

It all started with frat boys and their “F.B.I. Female Booty Investigator” shirts that got an initial laugh while listening to your new Nirvana album.  Then American Eagle and Abercrombie got in on the act with the classic Obscure-Sport-From-The-Non-existent-High-school-Tee.  These seemed to be worn only by, again, Fratties, equally douchie guys with hair gel and visors, or high-school students who can’t really be blamed because they are stupid.

This is all excusable because these are people who think and do stupid things.  These are not people I would ever consider worthy of note.  They think they are black.  They think reading is for the weak.  They think a woman should never be president because she would rule based on PMS or her emotions.  They love Jimmy Falon, Dane Cook and John Mayer.  Gays intimidate them, which is why they hate them and think they can’t be in the military (which actually is ironic because I think liking John Mayer makes you gay).

This kind of ignorance can only take a fad so far, but then the unthinkable happened… the modern hipster was invented.  All of them going to their 80’s theme parties (a decade which most of these tools were born in the middle of), then meeting for brunch the next day with this weeks new shirt reading “It’s just safer to assume I know karate” or “I listen to bands that don’t even exist yet”. (Bunch o’ assholes.)

Even worse is when these waifish young men and women take their weekly trip to Savers or Goodwill to get a new North Michigan State Division III Women’s Rugby Champs shirt.  Now they are actually using someone else’s accomplishments to define themselves rather than someone else’s sense of humor.

So why are these people so awful?  You say this is just an innocent trend adopted by young people.  This is a group of people who show themselves to be liars everyday.  A bit extreme, perhaps, to call them out based on a cotton T, but I think justified.  If you are going to make a statement with your T-shirt (a ridiculous notion in itself) it should be a truthful statement. And why do we give a hoot about their moral fortitude?  Because these are the same privileged young people who will talk change, change, change and show us everyday their willingness to conform.

So if you are my friend and you wear ironic tees our friendship is officially on hold until they are thrown in a fire.  They aren’t funny or clever, and you aren’t shaking it up.  It’s lame and played out and if you are my friend you should know better.  So conform to what everyone should be doing and throw out your tees.

Thanks J. but can we add 70’s rock band T’s worn by 6th graders?